#7 of the Fashion Don'ts

7. Don't be confused; leggings are not pants. I repeat: LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS. I don't care how thin you are, the only way it is EVER acceptable to wear spandex (that is essentially what leggings are folks) is if you are running a marathon. Unless you are wearing a skirt, dress or something similar you should not be wearing leggings. This especially true if you are a bitchy blonde ASU sorority girl.

My Apologies

I've been on several vay cays recently and have been neglecting my loving blog. I will make sure to offer some updates ASAP. Your patience is greatly appreciated.

Strength

My dad called me this afternoon. Although we typically have our father/daughter chats on Saturday or Sunday, it wasn't totally abnormal for him to call me during the week. He tends to get a little bored at the fire station and in turn calls the fam; it's always been this way. Today his voice was different though and I waited patiently for him to tell me whatever it was he had on his mind. I'm his little girl and he has a tough time telling me things he knows will hurt me. This is out of both protectiveness and concern. I tend to worry far more than is necessary and he usually waits until things have calmed down slightly before alarming me.

Today he calmly sighed "Grandma's in the hospital". I held back the tears (I'm supposed to be a grown up now, so I try my best to refrain from the automatic response of crying), "What happened?" Turns out it really isn't the horrific scenario I imagined. She "fainted" several times Monday night and ended up in the emergency room. After all was said and done she ended up being fitted with a pacemaker. Not totally serious, but certainly not something you want to hear on a Thursday afternoon, especially not when you have my Grams.

Now, let me tell you a bit about my amazing Grandmother. My dad summed it up pretty well today when he said, "You know Grandma, she's a tough cookie". Most of the time I describe her as the toughest chick I know. When I called her at the hospital today I joked with her about 86 being an exciting year (her birthday was just 10 days ago). Her response? "The exciting thing is that I'm still alive", totally tongue in cheek. While others in my family are often put off by my inappropriately timed jokes my Grams laughs along with me. She's one of the few people I know who can find the humor in almost every situation. Hell, the woman was lying in a hospital bed days after having a pacemaker put in joking with her granddaughter about whether it's better to "hang on" or "hang in there". She's unbelievable. She's inspirational. She is the epitome of strength.

Kelly's List of Fashion Don'ts

Let me warn you straight away, I am making this entry at the risk of being a fashion snob. So be it. I am not here to say that I am the world's best dresser, this is not about what not to wear as far as style is concerned. Instead it is about what not to wear as far as simple human decency is concerned. With this in mind, let me introduce you to Kelly's list of fashion don'ts.

1. Don't wear pajamas in public. No one needs and or wants to see what you sleep in. This includes but is certainly not limited to pj pants, boxer shorts, ribbed tank tops without a bra, and athletic shorts (although I am willing to make exceptions for those). Pajamas are meant for wearing to bed, not for wearing in public. If they were meant to be seen by the general public they wouldn't have they own department.

2. Don't think you can give new life to an article of clothing by cutting it. I will make an exception for shanks merely because some of my dearest friends rock them, but I'm not exactly keen on them. However, I am most certainly not OK with cut off t-shirts. These are mostly worn my college ages males who constantly look like they are either coming from or going to the gym. You know, they cut off the sleeves to make them look like tank tops. Cut off jean shorts, also not OK. NO ONE should wear these. The 90s are over. T-shirts, jeans and all other articles of clothing have hems for a reason. Leave them alone.

3. Don't wear sweatpants - ever. I know sweatpants can also fit into the pj category but they are also a category of their own. I honestly can't think of an situation where sweatpants are a logical choice of clothing. They are not flattering. They are not fashionable. Really, they aren't even that practical. They're warm, so you sure as hell don't to wear them to work out. They're ugly so you don't want to wear them in public. Now, I know there are some of you in the MidWest saying, "Hey, it gets cold here and they keep me warm!" OK, you wear them in the comfort of your own home where no one else can see you and then you don't tell me about it.

4. Guys, don't wear v-neck t-shirts. I like men with chest hair, I'm just not into seeing it stick out of your t-shirt. Now, I live in Tempe with all sort of arty types who think this is a good fashion statement. I'm sorry boys, it isn't. Turn up your emo music and get over it. V-necks are for girls, sorry.

5. Guys, don't think you can rock tank tops either. If it is made by Hanes and comes in a three pack it is meant to be worn underneath something else. Unless you live in the south and are beating your wife while drinking a Bud and smoking a Marb red. Even then it still isn't expectable, it's more of a uniform. I'm sure you're thinking there are other kinds of tank tops. You're right, there are and they are all equally bad.

6. Don't wear sweatshirts without hoods. I hope I don't have to explain myself here.

I understand this isn't a very long list but it's a very important one. There are many more don'ts that come to mind, but most of these venture into the realm of style and I won't go there just yet. Beware that there will most likely be a sequel to this post, so stay tuned.

That Shit's Wack

Who didn't love 1994? Come on, it's the year that brought us Forrest Gump, Pulp Fiction, and The Shawshank Redemption. Don't forget it's when we all became Friends, revisited Woodstock, watched intently as OJ got away with murder, and cried into our flannels over the loss of Kurt Cobain.

It is also the year the one of my favorite films of the year, The Wackness, is set in. You haven't heard of it? Unsurprising. It's an indie flick with lots of balls, plenty of old school humor, drug use and damn good music. Starring Ben Kingsley in one of the best rolls I've seen him in, it also features Josh Peck (apparently of Nickelodeon fame) and Olivia Thirlby (Juno's BFF). Mary-Kate Olsen puts in a pretty decent performance as a character I'd find hard to believe is very dissimilar from herself, aside from the dreadlocks. You'll also be pleasantly surprised to find Method Man as a Jamaican pot dealer.

The jist of the plot is that a high school graduate is struggling to make it through that last summer before college in NYC. To make ends meet he deals from an ice cream cart and trades pot for therapy. Naturally there's a romantic interest but the most important relationship is between Ben Kingsley and Josh Peck's characters. It's unpredictable, unconventional and funny as hell. One of my favorite lines from Kingsley, "Never trust someone who doesn't like dogs!"

I have to say though my favorite character in the movie: the music. How can you not love some early B.I.G.? Who doesn't crack a smile when they hear, "You, you got what I need, but you say I'm just a friend"? I certainly "don't see nothin wrong with a little bump and grind".

I'm not gonna lie though, I might have a slight bias towards this film. It made me incredibly nostalgic. It took me back to the days of my big brother Jake's discovery of rap music. He thought he was such a rebel and although I feigned disgust, I secretly loved all the cuss words. The summer of '94 was also the year my family road tripped to the east coast. Our trip included Philly, DC and NYC and I loved every minute of it. I remember the muddy kids coming from Woodstock and the energy of the city. It felt magical to me; like I was in a foreign country. I was an 11 year old girl from Wisconsin and the biggest city in America and it was the farthest I'd been from home, geographically and metaphorically.

So maybe my opinion is a bit skewed but how can you not love a film that reminds you of all of that?

Manpris and Tank Tops

Last night I went to see John Mayer at Cricket Wireless with a few of my girlfriends. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit, this was the fifth time I've seen John in concert since my sophomore year of college. That's not totally crazy though, right? Well, judge if you want, I know he's turned into a bit of a media whore/douche these days, but I still love his music and have a soft spot for him. Let me tell you though, this concert was above and beyond the most "unique" John Mayer experience I've had.

We were rockin the lawn seats, so naturally we couldn't see jack, but as soon as he walked on stage I turned to my friend's sister in confusion, "Is he wearing a tank top?" Don't get my wrong, I'm not totally opposed to a man wearing a tank top - especially when he has killer arms and a hot sleeve - but I'm really not convinced they should be worn in public (this goes along with a long list of other things I shall certainly discuss in a future blog). I was just about getting over the shock of the tank when to my further shock and slight horror I noticed that he had replaced his usual well-fitting jeans with...dum dum dum...manpris. I'm not sure if you're familiar with this fashion disaster but they are exactly what they sound like: man capris. These are generally worn by greasy Euro types, often with Diesel, Puma or some similar kind of trainer. Alternatively they are catching on with the gay crowd. In general, these are just not good fashion. FOR ANY MAN. Men are meant to wear shorts or pants. That is just the way it is. I know it's not fair, girls get to have all the fun, but trust me on this one. Scanning further down John's wonderland, some pretty major high tops. And I'm not just talking Chuck Taylor's. Oh no, no these were circa 1992, above the ankle, massive tongue hanging out, possibly Reebok pumps (anyone else remember those?) HIGH tops. Really, I kind of had to give him props for thinking he could pull off the whole look. And if I'm honest with myself, it did work, a little. The highlight where fashion is concerned? He was sportin a freshly buzzed hair cut: hot, hot, hot.

Oh, the music? You wanted to know about that? I'm sure you're thinking that I'm one of those girls who goes to John Mayer concerts repeatedly because of this silly crush that I have been harboring for him for years. Well, you're only half right. I'd like to think I have some credibility where music is concerned. I have a pretty eclectic taste and a fairly large amount of the artists in my music collection do not receive radio play or if they do it isn't on your top 40 station. That being said, I'm pretty convinced that John Mayer is highly underrated. His CDs are great, don't get me wrong, but they don't do his talent justice. He was trained as a blues guitarist which doesn't always translate so well into radio-friendly, chart topping hits. But it does show when you see him live. His 3 to 4 minute album songs are extended by his amazing guitar solos and interweaving of other songs from a wide range of genres (blues, hip hop, rock, pop). This doesn't always go over so well with his more mainstream fans, but it's always been one of my favorite things about his shows. You sit waiting to hear what he'll come out with next, what he'll introduce you to. He's also pretty hilarious and can come up with some pretty random shit. My personal favorite of the evening? The "original" lyrics to Vultures were "Tiny bananas, I really like them cos they're tiny bananas..." I'll be singing it for days. The highlight of the entire evening? In the encore, John Mayer does quite possibly the most rockin cover of Guns n' Roses Sweet Child of Mine full with John doing a pretty spot on Axl Rose impression. Priceless.

Dude was also clearly high as a kite. He's been pretty open over the past couple of years about his love for the green and that definitely showed last night. He was all over the place, which I'm not gonna lie, just makes for good entertainment. Who doesn't want to see JM strutting around like Mick Jagger?

My over all rating: killa!

Bromances

I giggled a bit the other week when US Weekly had, and I use this term loosely, an article about bromances. And as it turns out, US Weekly isn’t the first to investigate this new phenomenon. Google it and see for yourself!

For those of you not familiar with the term, these are male-male hetero friendships that are essentially like male-female relationships. These buddies are doing everything together – shopping, going out to eat, getting coffee, etc. They’re calling each other on the phone several times a day just to talk about trivial things. One always seems to take on the more feminine role and gets upset when the other doesn’t follow through with plans, call back or generally just acts like a typical guy. It would appear and is probably true that one has a bit of a man crush on the other, although it is always a purely hetero thing (or that’s what I’m assuming).

Now I’m not sure when these relationships became acceptable, but trust me when I tell you that you will notice them everywhere. I’m not saying I have a problem with this more intense level of male bonding, but this isn’t something that always existed. Sure, I’ve known a few guys in my time that paired off but this was usually the exception, not the rule. Guys have always seemed to gather in herds and it was almost questionable if it was any other way.

I have my theory on how this all started. It’s a combination of things really. I’m not saying that I at all think these bromances are in fact romances, but certainly it doesn’t hurt their case that being gay has become more socially accepted. This coupled with what I view as the decline of male-female friendships (this is a subject for a separate blog) and you’ve got perfect base for the bromance. You now have the perfect excuse for grown men to act like little boys. And you know what I say, more power to you guys!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bromance

Karma Police

I’ve been doing a considerable amount of thinking lately about karma. Preoccupied, really, with the thought that many of those around me (I’m speaking about your average Joe/Jane on the street here) do not seem to care one way or the other about their actions coming back to them. They float through life concerned only with their own comfort and well-being. Somehow selfishness has become a cultural norm.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, karma in its name sake is a Hindu ideology. But the idea of karma can be found in almost all religions. Jesus himself said you will reap what you sew, and essentially that is exactly what karma is. In other words, what you put out into the universe will come back to you. If you’re putting out good, you’re getting good back and the opposite is true too. However, this seems to be lost on most people.

Now I am not about to claim that I have the world’s cleanest slate where karma is concerned. Sadly, I seem to regularly do things that certainly are not helping to cleanse my spirit, but these are not matters to be discussed here (although this is probably what got me on this train of thought in the first place). I’m not necessarily talking about the deeper moral implications of karma, but the simple side.

I’m talking about basic human decency. I’m talking about holding the door open for the person coming in behind you. I’m talking about not cutting people off for the parking spot three places closer to the mall. I’m talking about not screaming at the person who is serving your food/drink because it took 15 seconds longer than your patience lasts. This also includes not trying to rip people off in order to save 16 cents. And don’t let me forget about those folks who laugh at homeless people, cut in line, don’t clean up after themselves in public, steal food at the grocery store and eat it before they get to the register, and talk down to others.

I’m sure you’re thinking I’m being a little harsh here, but stop and think about it for a second. How many times have you been affected by the selfish acts of others? Most likely it’s more times than you can even begin to count. So what am I suggesting? It’s simple; start treating your fellow human with a little more respect and I but you’ll notice you start getting a lot more respect back.



Fashion note: The necklace is the Karma necklace; it goes for around $68 and can be found at www.dogeared.com.