A Story to Disgust and One to Scare the Be-jeezers Out of You

I have been meaning to write for several days now and have just given myself the time or perhaps have finally mustered up the energy.

Last week I was at the pool tanning (this obsession is for another blog) and was thoroughly disgusted by the behavior of one senior citizen. Now, it is important for me to mention here that my parents live in a gated community for those over a certain age - really, it's only 45, but I would venture to guess that the median age of my neighbors is 65. Now, back to the point, as I am there basking in the mid-morning sun and dreading the thought of having to go to work in a few hours, I look to my right and notice to older women. At first I am thinking, "good for them, strutting there shit and such" and then I notice that one of the women has out her Bic razor. Now I'm thinking, "what would one need with a Bic razor at the pool?". Well, I'll tell you, one brings their Bic razor to the pool when they plan on dry shaving in public. No, I am not making this up - I don't think I could even if I wanted to - she whipped out the Bic and started shaving her legs right there poolside. And of course, there was no shame, no second thoughts. I guess once you reach a certain age you aren't so concerned with offending young people.

Now, if you found that story scary, wait until you hear this. Late last week Phoenix was experiencing some unusual weather and we found ourselves suffering through nearly 24 hours of rain. I'm not talking a bit of spit, I'm talking properly pissing down for an entire day. So I'm at work (big surprise, huh?) talking about my disgust for such weather when one of the girls I work with tells me how rain brings out scorpions. This wouldn't normally get me frazzled except for the fact that last year my parents had a small infestation of scorpions and were told by the exterminator that they can live for over six months after you have sprayed. To further my concern we had found one outside on the patio just after I moved here. All of this, however, is washed from my mind as I became more concerned with running to my car in the pouring rain. That is until I am getting ready for bed and take a look up at my ceiling fan. And what do you think I should find there? That's right folks, a mother f-ing scorpion! As you are most likely aware, I consider myself to be a pretty tough chick and force myself to remain calm as I walk to the bathroom to grab a massive wad of tp. I stay collected as I return to my bedroom and attempt to kill said m f-er. I am brimming with pride until the little s.o.b falls off of the ceiling onto my bed and begins running around. This, this is when I lose it. I being screaming bloody murder and leap from my bed - now is a good time to mention that I'm allergic to bee stings and would undoubtedly be allergic to scorpions as well - and in the mean time I hit my head on the fan and my foot on my dresser. Despite my throbbing head and foot I continue on with my mission and after several blood curtding screams, I regain my composure and kill that little bastard where he stands and flush his sorry as down the toilet. I then attemt to sleep and thank God for the first time that I am generally so exhausted that even fear induced insomnia is out of the question.

Stupid American Story of the Day

Technically this happened yesterday, but if I hadn't told you that you would never have known...

I was working the walk-up window at work (that's Starbucks, not Gap - they haven't gotten that advanced yet) and this woman comes up and asks if it is OK for her to leave her car in the handicap spot so she can watch her kids. I ask her how long she plans on staying there and think that I hear her say that she's just going to leave the car there until she orders her drink. We go back and forth for a bit and finally I tell her that the decision ultimately has to be hers because it's illegal and clearly I can't recommend she does something illegal. As I'm making her drink I'm thinking "what a sweet mom, she doesn't want to let her kids out of her sight for five minutes". However, this illusion was shattered when she and what I assume was her boyfriend take their drinks and go to sit down and smoke a few fags. Now I'm not just talking about a quick chuff, no, they smoked and finished their drinks.

You may be thinking this isn't that bad, certainly people have done worse. But let me tell you the kicker, the kids (a boy and a girl) were no older than 4, it was at least 90 out and all the windows in the car were rolled up. This is how kids die! I was absolutely irate and the only thing any of my colleagues said to acknowledge it was "well, at least she isn't smokig in the car with the kids". Excuse me?! Like this is going to matter when her kids are dead from heat exhaustion (OK, I'm not actually sure that that is what they would die from, but I know they could die).

While I continued to rave, she did come back to the car and I thought "finally, she's going to take them out of the car with her". No. Instead she took the boy out (I couldn't see for what reason) and immediately put him back, going back to her nicotine and caffiene binge. I was about 30 seconds from calling the police when she finally pulled away. I probably should have called child services anyway.

I was absolutely disgusted and even more so because none of my colleagues seemed to think this was remotely disturbing. I can't imagine this going unnoticed other places - even in America - and shutter to think this woman will continue to do this because no one will ever say anything.

She Works Hard for the Money

After all the shit I have talked about America and Americans, I have somehow become a slave to coporate America without even batting an eye. I guess that is what happens when you are driven soley by the need for money. Grad school isn't going to pay for itself and if that means I have to pick up yet another part-time job, so be it. I'm not using this experience as a chance to make new friends and have the time of my life. I have plenty of great friends already and although I do want to enjoy myself over the next six months, the most important thing is saving money to get myself back to London. And more than that, to further my education because if I have learned anything in the past 48 hours it is that a bachelors degree does not guarantee your ability to make a Frappiccino.

Having said that, I do want to continue to learn from this experience; about myself and and America. I want to continue to make observations about what I see around me and share them with others who will hopefully find the same humor in my situation as I do. That of course is assuming that I will have the time; working 50+ hours a week may cut into my blogging time. So while you are enjoying sleeping in past 6am, think of me wearing my green apron and taking some poor saps e-mail. And while you are heading out for a night with friends, think of me folding and re-folding thirty stacks of boot leg jeans.